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December 2, 2008

The Wind Can’t Blow Cuz The Sky Is Gone

Filed under: fnord, music, wisdom — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 10:07 pm

Jones Crusher, Jones Crusher

Deadly Jaws, better get the gauze

- Frank Zappa

Well, I’ll be damned. I like Yes. It’s almost shameful, but after finding the complete Yes discography… in the forest… I must say that I’ve listened to a hell of a lot of Yes lately, and they don’t suck. They’re a little hoity toity, and they don’t seem to be affiliated with heroin, Satan, or Aleister Crowley (although I’m pretty sure Rick Wakeman eats babies), but… they’re amazing musicians with a unique take on rock.

It’s nostalgic especially because this blog is a place where friends from almost 30 years ago keep in touch with me, expressing their love by questioning my sexuality and correcting my Spanish. Lo Siento, the Gus.

November 6, 2008

The Mississippi Delta Was Shining Like A National Guitar

Filed under: fnord, sadhana and dharma, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 5:06 pm

Poor boys and pilgrims with families, and we’re all going to Graceland.

I knew Obama was going to win when his grandma died the night before the election. That’s mythic. When you’re dealing with something this big, you expect mythic actions. President-Elect Obama has the dubious distinction of being an Archetype.  That’s good and bad. On one hand, he’s a virtual demigod, and his name already will live forever. How many children were created on Election night, and how many will be named Barack? Time will tell. That’s the upside.

The downside is that Mr Obama can never live up to the hype. Of course, the last young, vibrant couple who took over the White House and shook things up were the Kennedys.  The Clintons… wolves in sheep’s clothing there. That’s a belabored point, but a valid one. It’s not easy being a manifestation of the Zeitgeist. When the spirit leaves him, he’ll just be a man (Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?), and the collective doesn’t really want a man. The Sun smiled upon George W once, remember? (twice if we’re talking elections) Now he’ll be lucky to get a job in the Garden Center at the Crawford Wal-Mart.

May you live in interesting times. Indeed.

Btw- That creature is still slouching toward Bethlehem.

November 3, 2008

Discordians Endorse Obama. Hail Eris! Vote For Obama.

Filed under: fnord, sadhana and dharma, wisdom — Tags: , , , — admin @ 7:26 pm

Hail Eris,

Discordian.com asks a favor.

This American election represents a chance to retake the memetic landscape of the US. PLEASE HELP.

To the US Americans on this list:
Please vote for Barack Obama.

To the Californians on this list:
Please vote NO on Prop 8.

To everyone else:
Please urge your friends in the US and California to vote for Obama and against Prop 8. While the US may be waning, it is still a cultural behemoth in the world, and its policies affect people everywhere. Please help.

Please vote TOMORROW NOVEMBER 4. Don’t know your polling place? http://maps.google.com/vote

Let me tell you why this should matter to you, as a Discordian.

We normally avoid politics in an official capacity (though everyone involved in Discordian.com and KallistiCon holds strong political opinions, we rarely mix politics and irreligion). This year is different.

We had to say something!

There are many of you who say that voting doesn’t matter, it only upholds the validity of the state and that either candidate is a vote for The System.

We refuse to believe that!

The System doesn’t need your vote to feel validated, and we DO need your vote to make things in this country and the rest of the world a little better. If anything, The System wants you to feel disenfranchised and apathetic so it can get on with fucking you over while you lay the fuck down and let it.

Don’t be duped into thinking you don’t matter!

Here’s our top 5 reasons to PLEASE VOTE FOR OBAMA:

5. Our goal is to make this world and this country a weirder, better, more fun place to live. Given the governmental structure, we feel we must be involved and engaged in governance of this country. The government isn’t falling any time soon (and we must admit that if it did, we’d probably be the first against the wall), so in order to have a government that sucks less, we have to get involved. Voting may be a small gesture, but it is a first step on the way towards reclaiming an American government that represents ALL the people, even the Discordians.

4. Palin may be hot, but she’s also a scary Christian dominionist. She is a “prayer warrior” and a part of a group that seeks to control governments all across the world to create a one-world government for Jesus. I wish I were joking. Start your research here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bruce-wilson/katherine-harris-was-in-s_b_140164.html You better believe that the more power these people get, the more danger we crazy heretics are in. If you want more links, email stmae@discordian.com.

3. On a practical level, much of the law that affects our daily lives is based on case law and decisions from the Supreme Court. The next President will have the chance to replace as many as 3 Supreme Court justices. Even a less-rabidly-conservative Republican like McCain will appoint conservative justices, and this will tip the balance to a majority conservative bench. These people will be in place for decades after this President is gone. We cannot afford a majority conservative Supreme Court!

2. Supply-side economics sucks! Trickle down doesn’t fucking trickle down. The current global economic crisis can be directly traced to deregulation of Federal economic policy - deregulation pushed by, endorsed by and voted for by McCain.

1. What better way to piss off all the racists at once than to elect a black President? Obviously not all those who oppose Obama are racists, but all the racists sure do hate him. Seriously, what better Jake than to anger every white supremacist asshole in the country?

You may be reading this and saying, “so I don’t like McCain, but what about Nader?” Let’s be realistic here - Nader is not going to win, nor is any other third party candidate. Voting for a third party is about securing funding for them for future elections, and about registering dissent with the two-party system. This is important, and if you’re in a very safely Democrat state, please go ahead and vote your conscience. If you are in a contested or red state, please consider that this year, the Sucks Less Party may win and your vote can really help make a nation-wide difference. We humbly ask you to vote Democrat even if you have to hold your nose to do it.

For the Californians, here’s why you should vote against Prop 8.

Prop 8 seeks to remove the right of same sex couples to marry by amending the state Constitution to define marriage as being between one man and one woman.

You should vote against it because:

5. Amending the state Constitution to remove a right - any right - sets a dangerous precedent.

4. Yet again, pissing off bigots = WIN.

3. The very right to privacy is based on the fact that the US Constitution does not define marriage or private relationships. We don’t have a Constitutionally guaranteed right to privacy, it’s all based on case law. Amending the California Constitution paves the way towards an amendment of the US Constitution, and then you can kiss your privacy goodbye.

2. The pro-8 jerks say that voting down 8 means kids will get taught about gay marriage in schools, while the anti-8 people say they won’t. We say, it’s dangerously ignorant for a kid not to learn about queer people. Bring it the fuck on.

1. Hollywood. Where would our entertainment industry be without gay people? Letting same sex couples marry in our state will attract talented creative people in all industries and can only be good for our economy, not to mention what we watch on television and on the big screen.

Obviously there are a lot more reasons to vote for Obama and against Prop 8, and if you’re interested send an email to stmae@discordian.com and we’ll happily feed you more.

Will Obama be a perfect President? Of course not. Will he be a wonderful representative for Discordians, in all our freaky glory? Probably not. Will he maybe actually listen to us (instead of ignoring, disenfranchising, and criminalizing us as Bush has)? Yes. Is he the best choice we’ve had in decades? HELL FUCKING YES.

Please don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Please vote tomorrow, and please vote for Obama.

Discordians, progressives, and weirdos around the world will thank you. Feel free to pass this on, repost, whatever.

All hail Discordia,

St. Mae
Discordian.com

October 14, 2008

How Now Sacred Chao? Wow. Here’s Something For Your Students, Brigid.

Filed under: Doodles, fnord, sadhana and dharma, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 9:41 pm

I’m smoking weed, listening to Led Zeppelin on my headphones, and looking at porn. It could be 1985.  The funny thing is, the porn is part of my job. I’m promoting it (Hi, Mom.) because I’m awesome at it. The funny thing is the Led Zeppelin and the w33d. It’s the perfect subject for Chaoist trinary perception. (Wow. I must be baked).  Let’s look at how one can  perceive (judge) this particular event in space/time.

1.) I haven’t matured a lick in 23 years, so I still listen to Led Zeppelin, smoke weed, and look at porn.

  • Fuck off. In 1985 I would also being listening to Judas Priest, Jethro Tull, and The Cult. Also, I would be wearing a paisley shirt and white jeans. I would, however, have a 31 inch waist, and hair.

2.) I am following my bliss and I write porn because I’m getting paid to, and what the fuck. I like Led Zeppelin, and weed.

  • I’m a good writer, a good marketer, and I like bondage porn, and more importantly, I like the people I work with (I work from home). I like Led Zeppelin. I like weed. I’m a grown up. Fuck off.

3.) Who the fuck cares? Get your head out of your ass and show a goddamn lolcat, or i’m going chew through my own nuts.

  • See, this is why I smoke weed. Without weed I want to murder my family almost immediately. You, sir, with the nuts… are the winner. It doesn’t matter.

So, my actions are positive (true) in one sense, negative (false) in another sense, and meaningless in a third. w00t. I’m still broke. This is Truth. This is Truth.

October 8, 2008

Café Mam Is The Best Coffee In The Whole World

Filed under: fnord, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 6:33 pm

I used to live in Eugene, Oregon. Most days I still wish I did. One of the best things about Oregon is the quality of life… by that I mean the little things. Beer is better. There are ten million microbrews. Weed is better. OMG the weed is better, and the coffee, Lord, the coffee. My favorite coffee in the whole world comes from Café Mam. I’m not lying. I’ve been out of Oregon for four years, and still.. to this day, I order a five pound bag of Othello Blend beans at least once a year.

The beans themselves are roasted for YOU. When you order, they fill a bag with the freshest beans from the roaster, not from the backstock. Also, the beans are European Grade, which means you get no clinkers, fragments, or chips; only whole, shiny, beautiful beans. These pictures are what you get when you order, there’s no bait and switch. I want a picture of the beans big enough to use as my wallpaper for my desktop.

And talk about Hippy! Café Mam beans are so Earth Friendly that the banners they use to show all their green ways would take up two and one half VW bumpers. They’re Fair Trade, 100% Organic, Shade Grown, Bird Friendly, Swiss Water Decaffeinated…honestly… Chris Martin and Sting would have to have a baby to make something as politically and socially ethical.

Here’s the best part. It is the best coffee in the whole entire world. I’m not kidding. It’s like getting a package from a more substantial place. You open the box, and suddenly the world is not sepia, because your in Technicolor OZ.

Why am I writing this? Because I truly love Café Mam. If you’ve bought from them before, and reorder (at least before the site upgrade) they would ship your order that day, and you could just send a check.

There is little in life that is truly wonderful. Café Mam coffee makes that short list. I love it. It is objectively wonderful.

October 2, 2008

“Leaked” Footage of Homer Simpson Trying To Vote For Obama And Getting Attacked By The Machine.

Filed under: fnord, humor, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — admin @ 3:29 pm

Do I think this clip was leaked? Well, youdopia, yes I do. I think it was leaked on purpose, but I think it was leaked. It’s pretty funny, as funny as the Simpsons get most days. Twenty years is a long time.  I hope you enjoy this little clip.

October 1, 2008

The Importance Of Being Earnest

Filed under: fnord, sadhana and dharma, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , , — admin @ 9:32 pm

I made a friend today. Her name (here in the floating world) is the Butterfly Temptress, and she’s sweet, funny, kind, and ill. She has stage 4 cervical cancer, and it’s travelled through her lymphatic system throughout her body… including her brain stem. Kiki spent some time online with her yesterday, picking out caskets. When Whitney’s school crisis came up, and we held a raffle to help raise funds, Butterfly Temptress donated money. She was fighting this, and in a financial crisis of her own (it costs a lot to die in America)… and yet she gave, and gave freely.

Now we’re raising money for her, and the wheel rolls on. The immanence of death makes the friendship process all the more intense and honest, because there isn’t time to fuck around. There’s no real point to this post, aside from the immediate and real.

So, ok. :)

September 26, 2008

Craziest Shit Ever: John McCain Plays David Letterman, Letterman Plays McCain. Couric Wins. Nicely Done.

Filed under: craziest shit ever, fnord, humor, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 2:23 pm

Hello, youdopia. This will cease to be relevent in moments, but I thought it worth posting. John McCain cancelled on Letterman, to “race back to Washington” because of this economic downturn hysteria, and… well… watch.

September 6, 2008

Sex Flow Chart and A Little Life Update

Filed under: Doodles, fnord, sadhana and dharma, wisdom — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 9:41 pm

I wish I had a cleaner copy of this image, youdopians. From what I can read, it’s pretty funny. I totally forgot from where I found this. If anyone knows, please let me know. I want to credit the site, and the original image maker (good luck, I know).

Busy as a beaver still. Money starting to happen. Opportunities piling up.  I have business cards for the first time in a very long while. My god.  My native ability to write in SEO is making the blogs I created a few months ago start to pay off.

We’ve been using a project management program that organizes one’s emails, contacts, and tasks. I hate it. It works wonderfully. I hate it. I am much more efficient with it. I hate it. I’ve wrestling with the issue of selling ad space, limited ad space, on a site that has half a million page views daily, to a member who can only spend fifty bucks.  The original model was $25 per 50,000 pageviews. Sounds great. Is great. 50,000 page views lasts you a few hours. Then people would feel cheated, even when told in giant flaming letters ten galaxies high, ‘We get 400-500,000 page views daily”.  So… we upped the minimum to $50 and changed to a pay per click model. That works better, but now the new minimum ($50) only lasts a day.  I input an ad last night at 9:30pm, and it was gone ten hours later. 125 clicks, gone. It’s a good thing, but… one is faced with the conundrum. How to pay the thousands a month to run a site with 36,000 members (since January 08), and 400 new ones a day… a site based on community, and openness, and not being another corporate bullshit site.

I love it. I love the site. I love the people. I love the scene. I love kinky things. Kinky people tend to be more interesting.  I love working from home. I even love working 18 hours a day, for the success of my family and our business. It’s nice.

The site is worth a good 20,000 a month in ad revenue, if we whored it out (did the usual industry bit, with header and footer ads, and shop pages)….

so far so good. Power to the people. I want to own a home, and a car. Angel/Devil. I’ve been choosing virtue more lately… probably in rebellion of the industry in which I am thriving. I am thriving. It’s all coming together.

Things have a groove now, a rhythm.  The site for which I do the marketing (along with Kiki) is starting to come together. It’s a wonderful life.  It’s nice to earn money from the sweat of my brow.  I’m going to watch television. I realized last night, that I hadn’t watched a show in weeks. I had lost my chrono sync w/ society, like that French guy they put in the cave for a year.

night night.

August 30, 2008

God Bless You, Snarling Misanthrope. Coolest Shit Ever.

Filed under: Coolest Shit Ever, fnord, humor, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 5:44 pm

Cross Posted from Best Sex Bloggers.com (A blog that I found in the woods, and also own.)  I found the image myself.

As you already know, this past week we took the first step of anointing our new god, the golden child, the chosen one, the Padawan who would be Supreme Galactic Chancellor. And what a picked pickled pepper of pageantry that was. We had all the drama that the NPR-elite could possibly muster, except without all the lisping that you get on the radio version. The sidebar to this was the 1000-fold increase in activity on Denver Craigslist. Everybody got some, and then some.

And this coming week we will bear witness to the congregation of the veritable Legion of Doom to the DNC’s Super-Friends. Yes, the Republicans are coming! And they’re bringing the earth’s most popular governor with them! (Of course, it’s easy to be the earth’s most popular governor when the state of your governance has about as many people in it as Columbus, Ohio.) They’re bringing a crotchety old guy who can’t remember stuff! And they’re even bringing their own Hillary Clinton – no, not Sarah Palin (she’s more of a William H. Macy from Fargo sort of figure), but the brokenhearted, crestfallen figure of one Mitt Romney. (Let us hope that Tag and Trig can forge some sort of truce.)

But can the conservatives top the liberals in terms of sheer electronic sexual alacrity? So far, it looks like a no. But in order to sniff them out, first you have to learn how to crack their code. Republicans more than any other race of humanoids rely on code-speak to a ridiculous degree. But we’ve broken it. And so, for your edu-tainment, here are but a few of the acronyms that Republicans use when trolling the intertubes for a little NSA filibustering…

F – let’s fuck

LFCH – let’s felch

LPH – let’s phish

IWTDYOSMB – I want to drill your off-shore mines, baby

GAAPOTMLATTYC – go ahead and plaster on the makeup like a trollop tonight, you cunt

IWYTSMLOPN – I want you to shake me like our party’s nominee

OPIGDASWI – our party is going down, and so will I

SKSVILA – seeks Vicki Iseman look-alike

WINBOBFISP – who in the bluest of blue fucks is Sarah Palin

PGMHSS – please, God – make her stop screeching

YKINMK – your kink is not my kink

OKMT – okay, maybe tonight

YKINOK – your kink is no one’s kink

YKSLAADBPB – your kink smells like ass and discount-brand peanut butter

IAATPB – I am allergic to peanut butter

BITMFT – but I take medication for that

LGKTSICDULTOIT – let’s get kinky tonight so I can draw up legislation to outlaw it tomorrow

TIPCAICY – tonight, I’m pro-choice – and I choose you

AEIOU – autocratic ejaculate is our ulterior (motive)

ASY – and sometimes yellow (instead of ejaculate)

RNC=AR! – the Republican National Convention equals anal rampaging!

PDLLAC – please don’t look like Ann Coulter

FFMUILLAC – force-feminize me until I look like Ann Coulter

LLCT – let’s Larry Craig tonight

IBWATMSPIA – I’ll be waiting at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport

S#_ - stall # ___

PAMR – Patriot Act my rectum

YMTHAABOJB – you, me, Ted Haggard, and a bottle of Jim Beam

LMFDAGI – let’s meet for drinks and grope interns

TWML100YBIOL2M – the war might last 100 years, but I only last 2 minutes

PDOM – please don’t out me

SEGWMM – seriously, Ed Gillespie will murder me

RTAPT – Rudy’s throwing a party tonight

BYOD – bring your own dress

August 24, 2008

I’m Going To Try… For The Kingdom, If I Can…

Filed under: fnord, sadhana and dharma, wisdom — Tags: , , , — admin @ 1:42 am

…cuz it makes me feel like I’m a man.

-Lou Reed

My dear youdopians, (Hi Karen!) things have become wonderful, at least in potential. Exorcisms work, apparently. Good to know. One can deduce a lot from that. Now, on to exercise.

I am the head of Marketing for a site that has 400,000 pageviews a day. Holy shit. Holy shit. It’s the proverbial ground floor opportunity. Unless I am very very foolish, or unethical, this could be the proverbial Golden Ticket. The first week went well.

I am going to kick ass at this.

August 15, 2008

The Ten Oldest Jokes In The World (Religion not included)

Filed under: Coolest Shit Ever, craziest shit ever, fnord, humor, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , , — admin @ 2:13 pm

Shamelessly foisted from http://blogs.discovery.com/news_archaeorama/2008/08/worlds-ten-olde.html.  Their embed code didn’t work, so I nicked it… and I’ll do it again.

The oldest recorded joke dates back to 1900 B.C, according to a research into the ten oldest gags carried by the University of Wolverhampton, UK, and commissioned by the TV satellite channel Dave.

Heading the top 10 is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq. Surprise, surprise…  the joke, inscribed in tablets, involves what else? Flatulence.

So here are the jokes. Perhaps I lack a sense of humor, or perhaps something got lost in translation,  but it seems to me that — unless you’re into toilet humor, oxen drivers or randy pharaohs –  these jokes are just not funny.

1. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap (1900 BC – 1600 BC Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13)

2. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish (An abridged version first found in 1600 BC on the Westcar Papryus)

3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon’s load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon’s load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)

4. A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, “I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye.” And she answered him: “Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage!?” (Egyptian circa 1100 BC)

5. Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: “Help, nobody is attacking me!” No one comes to help. (Homer. The Odyssey 800 BC)

6. Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age (Appears in Oedipus Tyrannus and first performed in 429 BC)

7. Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey - his purse is what restrains him (Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period 304 BC – 30 BC)

8. Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: “Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?” “No your Highness,” he replied, “but my father was.” (Credited to the Emporer Augustus 63 BC – 29 AD)

9. Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said “I’ve had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.” (Dated to the Philogelos 4th /5th Century AD)

10. Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: “In silence.” (Collected in the Philogelos or “Laughter-Lover” the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th Century AD)

August 12, 2008

Morphine-Cannabis Hybrid Painkiller: Best Invention Ever! Fast Track That Motherfucker.

Filed under: Coolest Shit Ever, fnord, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , , — admin @ 1:01 pm

Morphine-cannabis super-painkiller (repost from http://technology.newscientist.com/article/dn14344-invention-morphinecannabis-superpainkiller.html)

Pain can often be better managed when two types of painkiller are used together. For example, it has recently become known that cannabinoids such as THC, the psychoactive ingredient in cannabis, enhance the painkilling effects of opioids such as morphine.

Teaming them up could allow doses to become smaller, reducing the possibility of addiction. But a simple mixture of the drugs produces unpredictable results because the body absorbs them at different rates.

A possible solution is to join together THC and morphine to create a hybrid molecule that is snipped apart by the body, say Joseph Holtman and Peter Crooks at the University of Kentucky College of Medicine in Lexington, Kentucky.

Their idea is to bind the two drugs together using a linking molecule such as an ester. When the body snips this linking group, both drugs are released at the site where they are needed. That should ensure both drugs will be absorbed at the same rate, making it easier to work out doses for patients.

Read the full morphine-cannabis supermolecule painkiller patent application.

August 7, 2008

Ashes To Ashes, Funk To Funky. Following Your Bliss Can Lead You Into Weird Places

Filed under: craziest shit ever, fnord, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 11:22 pm

I am busy as fuck. My wife and I have started a PR firm, and it’s going through the roof. It’s crazy how successful we are becoming. We started a blog three days ago, a digest of all the best bloggers in a certain genre… and it’s amazingly successful. It’s been live for three days,and we had over three thousand hits today.

My lovely wife is going to be on the radio tomorrow. She’s going to be an expert on a panel discussion, and it’s on a Spanish language station, so… super cool points for my sweetheart. My end of our business is doing well. I’m writing about ten blogs a day, along with press releases, correspondence, an online tutorial on monetizing your blog (I’m teaching it), and… shit… marketing, marketing, marketing.

It’s got nothing to do with you, if one can grasp it.

More idols than realities. I’m ok. You’re so so.

The downside of this fantastic upheaval of fortune is this. We both get as much sleep as new parents. I’m punchy all the time, and I write like a goddamn stroke victim. Four and five hours of sleep a night for weeks is a killer. Thank god for fatty foods, sweets, weed, and Diet Pepsi. I’m going to live forever. However, we have made a SPLASH. We raised thousands of dollars through a pledge drive for a photographer to be able to have a showing at a museum. A real photographer in a real museum. It was a big deal and we pulled it off in twenty four hours. It was nuts. We’re really good at this. There just aren’t enough hours in the day, and we’re not making enough money for both of us to stay home, which is a super bummer.

So I’m looking for a full time job for supplemental income, but mostly for the benefits. One can’t be without health insurance in America.  So… it seems like following your bliss may work. The universe has certainly been good to us in this arena. We meet people, network, connect… it’s crazy. It’s crazy because this isn’t a thought out business model. We just did it because.

And now I must go because the baby has peed through her diaper and soaked the bed. Ah, life.

“There’s an end of my cigar. The girls will wonder where we are.” - Konx Om Pax, motherfuckers.

Later. Life’s nuts, but good. I’m fucking tired.

June 27, 2008

That’s Dr. Jimmy To You. Jimmy Page Receives Honorary Doctorate

Filed under: Coolest Shit Ever, Jimmy Page, craziest shit ever, music, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 9:15 pm

Score one for clean living, I guess. James Patrick Page (all hail!) was given an Honorary Doctorate (in Hermetic Studies… just kidding) by the University Of Surrey. Why? Because he is all things to all people, that’s why, apostate! So there you go kids. Study the occult, do drugs, bang teenage girls, and all this can be yours. Follow the narrow path of Dr. Jimmy. An honorary Ph.D. Goddamn.

June 26, 2008

I Want To Know, Am I The Sky Or The Bird

Filed under: fnord, sadhana and dharma, wisdom — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 12:07 am

The quill from a buzzard, blood writes the word.

I want to know am I the sky or the bird?

Hells boiling over, and heaven is full.

We’re chained to the world, and we all gotta pull.

(We’re all gonna be just dirt in the ground) - Tom Waits

It’s a wild life. I’m at least halfway through it, and I have yet to reach cruising speed. It’s amazing that we know we’re going to die, but we act like we’re not. The wise ones have always said to keep two things in the forefront of your mind at all times. First is an awareness of That, and second is your own death. Tick Tock.

I know I shall die. I don’t know what will, or will not happen to “me” when this body goes kaput, but it shall. George Carlin was, and he was not. Same with my grandma, and the same with us all. Moths to a flame.

June 5, 2008

The Mindscape Of Alan Moore. This Man Is A Genius

Filed under: fnord, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , , , — admin @ 12:33 pm

“Looked at the sky through smoke heavy with human fat, and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever, and we are alone. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children, not Fate that butchers them, or Destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us…”

That, my friends, is a line from a comic book. The Watchmen. It kicks ass. Alan Moore wrote it. This guy is amazing. The Mindscape Of Alan Moore is a movie about this great man. He looks like a mashup of Rob Zombie and Ian Anderson, and he’s a Magician. Yup. Cool guy. In addition to The Watchmen, he also wrote From Hell, V for Vendetta, The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and (this sounds odd, but it’s real) an amazingly cool run of Swamp Thing comics. All those movies were corrupted from Alan Moore’s great comic books. Yup. It was the Swamp Thing that kick started the comic book revival of the eighties and nineties. He and Frank Miller… good stuff. Ok. Watch this video. It’s good. Alan Moore is brilliant. Try it. Read his shit, por favor.

June 3, 2008

Tom Waits Week: The One That Started It All… Rain Dogs

Filed under: Tom Waits Week, fnord, music, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 7:38 pm


Tom Waits Week continues. I remember when this album came out. It was 1984, and I was working at my second real job, in the Books and Records Dept. at Caldor. I remember being drawn to the album cover. I didn’t listen to that album for eight years, and then I was hooked. Vagabond burlesque.
I love this song. This version is live, but it’s from that era, and… it is great. I understand if you don’t like Tom Waits. I’m not asking you to. I’m just presenting a pie slice of my persona, and a little of the wheres and whys. Also, it’s a great way to lazily post every day. ;-)

Tom Waits Week: Cross My Wooden Leg And I Swear On My Glass Eye

Filed under: Tom Waits Week, fnord, music, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 12:30 am

It Will Always Come To Find You, It Will Always Hear You Cry

This song, with Keith Richards for added legitimacy, is one of my favorite ever. Again, Tom sings in myths, he hums like a detuned radio.  Dear God, there’s so much of me that’s lain dormant.

You say that it’s gospel, but I know it’s only church.

Many miles away, something crawls from the slime, at the bottom of a dark Scottish loch.  It’s a great song. It gets to me the way the Pogues can, sometimes. Ah, well. So, I’m a bit maudlin. Swaha.

May 28, 2008

Your Majesty, You Look Like The Piss Boy! (Mel Brooks)

Filed under: fnord, humor, wisdom — Tags: , , , , , , , — admin @ 7:59 am

I loved this movie when it came out. It makes me laugh still. This scene, although a bit long, is truly hilarious in places. This is part of Mel Brooks’ History of the World Part 1. This is the last funny movie Mel Brooks made. That’s right, Spaceballs isn’t funny. Sorry. Anyhoo, this little scene, which takes place on the cusp of the French Revolution, features Mel Brooks in dual roles as Louis XVI, and the humble garcon du pis. Harvey Korman is the amazingly vile and mincing Count DeMoney (De Mo-NAY). Good stuff. You’ve got your, “It’s good to be the king.”, “Everything’s so green!”, the legendary exchange:
De Money: “It is said, your Majesty, that your people are revolting.”
The King: “You said it. They stink on ice!”
But nothing matches the sublime timing, and vitriol of “Your Majesty, You look like the Piss Boy!”
It’s 6:40 in, for those vile worms too “busy” for the darshan of Jewish Humor (which I call Jumor).
Enjoy.

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