Yes, google. I like nipples.
I don’t know why, Youdopians. I don’t know why. This is the craziest shit ever. This is how googles sees me? I was supposed to be a writer. Now I’m a repository of nipples and suicides.
| nipples | 2 | |
| cat nipples | 1 |  |
| best nipples | 1 | |
| basement suicide | 1 | |
| lolcats |
Cross Posted from Best Sex Bloggers.com (A blog that I found in the woods, and also own.) I found the image myself.
As you already know, this past week we took the first step of anointing our new god, the golden child, the chosen one, the Padawan who would be Supreme Galactic Chancellor. And what a picked pickled pepper of pageantry that was. We had all the drama that the NPR-elite could possibly muster, except without all the lisping that you get on the radio version. The sidebar to this was the 1000-fold increase in activity on Denver Craigslist. Everybody got some, and then some.
And this coming week we will bear witness to the congregation of the veritable Legion of Doom to the DNC’s Super-Friends. Yes, the Republicans are coming! And they’re bringing the earth’s most popular governor with them! (Of course, it’s easy to be the earth’s most popular governor when the state of your governance has about as many people in it as Columbus, Ohio.) They’re bringing a crotchety old guy who can’t remember stuff! And they’re even bringing their own Hillary Clinton – no, not Sarah Palin (she’s more of a William H. Macy from Fargo sort of figure), but the brokenhearted, crestfallen figure of one Mitt Romney. (Let us hope that Tag and Trig can forge some sort of truce.)
But can the conservatives top the liberals in terms of sheer electronic sexual alacrity? So far, it looks like a no. But in order to sniff them out, first you have to learn how to crack their code. Republicans more than any other race of humanoids rely on code-speak to a ridiculous degree. But we’ve broken it. And so, for your edu-tainment, here are but a few of the acronyms that Republicans use when trolling the intertubes for a little NSA filibustering…
F – let’s fuck
LFCH – let’s felch
LPH – let’s phish
IWTDYOSMB – I want to drill your off-shore mines, baby
GAAPOTMLATTYC – go ahead and plaster on the makeup like a trollop tonight, you cunt
IWYTSMLOPN – I want you to shake me like our party’s nominee
OPIGDASWI – our party is going down, and so will I
SKSVILA – seeks Vicki Iseman look-alike
WINBOBFISP – who in the bluest of blue fucks is Sarah Palin
PGMHSS – please, God – make her stop screeching
YKINMK – your kink is not my kink
OKMT – okay, maybe tonight
YKINOK – your kink is no one’s kink
YKSLAADBPB – your kink smells like ass and discount-brand peanut butter
IAATPB – I am allergic to peanut butter
BITMFT – but I take medication for that
LGKTSICDULTOIT – let’s get kinky tonight so I can draw up legislation to outlaw it tomorrow
TIPCAICY – tonight, I’m pro-choice – and I choose you
AEIOU – autocratic ejaculate is our ulterior (motive)
ASY – and sometimes yellow (instead of ejaculate)
RNC=AR! – the Republican National Convention equals anal rampaging!
PDLLAC – please don’t look like Ann Coulter
FFMUILLAC – force-feminize me until I look like Ann Coulter
LLCT – let’s Larry Craig tonight
IBWATMSPIA – I’ll be waiting at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport
S#_ – stall # ___
PAMR – Patriot Act my rectum
YMTHAABOJB – you, me, Ted Haggard, and a bottle of Jim Beam
LMFDAGI – let’s meet for drinks and grope interns
TWML100YBIOL2M – the war might last 100 years, but I only last 2 minutes
PDOM – please don’t out me
SEGWMM – seriously, Ed Gillespie will murder me
RTAPT – Rudy’s throwing a party tonight
BYOD – bring your own dress
You know what, Youdopians, I discovered my porn in the same place that every American boy does, in the woods. It was a stack of Club magazines. Faded from the sun, and starting to pulpify… but intact nonetheless. That’s exactly where I found this. It’s the Fan’s Edition of The Song Remains The Same.
What’s that mean? Well if you love Led Zeppelin, and you do, then you have always been ashamed of The Song Remains The Same. I am. It blows. I can’t honestly say that I’ve watched it all the way through. I’ve seen it all, but I don’t know if it was ever in one sitting. Since the release of the Led Zeppelin DVD in 2003, with a bunch of songs, some unreleased, from The Song Remains The Same concerts, and some songs from the movie itself. Well, some wonderfully adept soul edited the entire concert from all the disparate sources. The DVD, The remastered version of The Song Remains the Same, and some songs from the bonus section of the new version of TSRTS.
The result is really great. It’s a Led Zeppelin concert. The transitions are smooth, with some differences in the sections remastered in 2003, and the original 1976 transfer. Whoopee. What I’m saying is that if you bought this at Best Buy, you wouldn’t have a thing to bitch about. It’s awesome and amazingly cool. Like the 4 hour version of Apocalypse Now.
This is very cool. I found it in the woods.
I think this is brilliant, youdopians. Cheesy to the max, the Super Bowl Halftime Show times a thousand, but… BILLIONS of people saw Jimmy Page not suck. From a PR standpoint, Mr. Page was just watched by half the fucking world. Nice. His solo was HOT! He’s obviously playing, and his appearance with John Paul Jones and the Foo Fighters had been rehearsed for months. Why? Is there new product to promote? Nope. Why? Why indeed?
…cuz it makes me feel like I’m a man.
-Lou Reed
My dear youdopians, (Hi Karen!) things have become wonderful, at least in potential. Exorcisms work, apparently. Good to know. One can deduce a lot from that. Now, on to exercise.
I am the head of Marketing for a site that has 400,000 pageviews a day. Holy shit. Holy shit. It’s the proverbial ground floor opportunity. Unless I am very very foolish, or unethical, this could be the proverbial Golden Ticket. The first week went well.
I am going to kick ass at this.
Vale, youdopians. This is neato. I like robots, androids,homunculi, you name it. I know this android is more like a Hall of Presidents animatronic figure, but it’s still neato, and it gives me something to post. :-p
I recently opened my power bill, as people do, and I was a tad surprised to find a flyer for the upcoming Sniper Conference. It’s put on by the police, and the tag line is:
PUBLIC EVENT
Test Your Skill
Train in similar conditions
police snipers train under.
Do you have what it takes?
I grew up in New Hampshire. I’m all about Live Free Or Die, and certainly gun folk are among the safest folk with their guns. I just think it’s very odd to receive unsolicited advertisement for a SNIPER conference in with my utility bill. I’m used to handy tips about saving water and reducing electricity around the home. Maybe a coupon for insulation or weatherstripping in the winter. How odd. North Carolina is certainly different, Youdopians.
The Bleak, Dorky, Clever Lego Photography Of Mike Stimpson
I must be getting old, Youdopians. The younger Mojozoso would definitely think this lego photo recreation of the execution of a Viet Cong prisoner (the famous Eddie Adams photo) was sick and twisted, and kinda funny. I t generally don’t really w00t that much over lego stuff, or anyone who fucks with a Barbie and calls it art. Sorry. It’s all good, I just don’t dig it. However, the good folks at Wired put together an anthology of lego photo recreations, like the one above, and I wanted to share it with you. The photographer (lego dude) is Mike Stimpson.
Vale, Youdopians (both of you). I saw this on my favorite Led Zeppelin board, and I had to nick it. I marvel at the humor inherent in (almost) any situation. This just tickles my funny bone.
Isn't this perfect?
Shamelessly foisted from Discovery.com. Their embed code didn’t work, so I nicked it… and I’ll do it again.
The oldest recorded joke dates back to 1900 B.C, according to a research into the ten oldest gags carried by the University of Wolverhampton, UK, and commissioned by the TV satellite channel Dave.
Heading the top 10 is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq. Surprise, surprise… the joke, inscribed in tablets, involves what else? Flatulence.
So here are the jokes. Perhaps I lack a sense of humor, or perhaps something got lost in translation, but it seems to me that — unless you’re into toilet humor, oxen drivers or randy pharaohs – these jokes are just not funny.
1. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap (1900 BC – 1600 BC Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13)
2. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish (An abridged version first found in 1600 BC on the Westcar Papryus)
3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon’s load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon’s load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)
4. A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, “I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye.” And she answered him: “Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage!?” (Egyptian circa 1100 BC)
5. Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: “Help, nobody is attacking me!” No one comes to help. (Homer. The Odyssey 800 BC)
6. Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age (Appears in Oedipus Tyrannus and first performed in 429 BC)
7. Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey – his purse is what restrains him (Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period 304 BC – 30 BC)
8. Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: “Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?” “No your Highness,” he replied, “but my father was.” (Credited to the Emporer Augustus 63 BC – 29 AD)
9. Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said “I’ve had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.” (Dated to the Philogelos 4th /5th Century AD)
10. Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: “In silence.” (Collected in the Philogelos or “Laughter-Lover” the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th Century AD)
Morphine-cannabis super-painkiller (repost from http://technology.newscientist.com/article/dn14344-invention-morphinecannabis-superpainkiller.html)
Pain can often be better managed when two types of painkiller are used together. For example, it has recently become known that cannabinoids such as THC, the psychoactive ingredient in cannabis, enhance the painkilling effects of opioids such as morphine.
Teaming them up could allow doses to become smaller, reducing the possibility of addiction. But a simple mixture of the drugs produces unpredictable results because the body absorbs them at different rates.
A possible solution is to join together THC and morphine to create a hybrid molecule that is snipped apart by the body, say Joseph Holtman and Peter Crooks at the University of Kentucky College of Medicine in Lexington, Kentucky.
Their idea is to bind the two drugs together using a linking molecule such as an ester. When the body snips this linking group, both drugs are released at the site where they are needed. That should ensure both drugs will be absorbed at the same rate, making it easier to work out doses for patients.
Read the full morphine-cannabis supermolecule painkiller patent application.
Fiend Loathing Itself - Painting by John Lindquist
Youdopia is a rotten borough. A failed state. The emperor has no clothes. He lived years of his life thinking he was an ok person, but alas… not so much. He is the demon. There is something to genetics after all.
He is the fuck he never wanted to be. Beyond pathos, the psychic version of the ubiquitous fat person melting into the couch. He is an unformed, jellylike unformed larva. A maggot in the shell of a man.
“My opponent will not be able to say that I voted for the war, because I didn’t. He won’t be able to say I gave George Bush the benefit of the doubt, with Iran… because I haven’t.”
I love Barack Obama. I don’t care if he’s full of shit. I don’t care if he is a robot. I don’t care at all. I love how he speaks. Sign me up. I’m a monkey who gets all giggly over oratory and rhetoric. In the primate alpha war that is modern human life (and postmodern)… I’ll show my belly to the better speaker.
Shit will either get better, worse, or stay the same. I like Obama. I like it that his middle name is Hussein. I like it that he’s African American. I like it that he smokes. I like it that he’s in his forties and that he seems to have an awesome wife.
Here’s my guilty progressive confession. I do not like the Clintons. I would have gladly voted for Hillary, that’s fine. She’s not unqualified, and her uterus would only make her an irrational sub human a quarter of the time, and her (male) vice president would, of course, have veto power over any crazy edicts she might spout when the menopause makes her cuh-ray-zee. That’s fine. We’ve had crazy presidents. Kissinger had veto power over Nixon, toward the end, when Dick was drunk (Drunk dick, drunk Dick, drunk Dick) on gin and fevered paranoia.
That’s all fine. The long and short of it is, I like Barack Obama. I do. I haven’t looked to deeply into his record. I used to, but I just don’t have the time do dedicate toward such a pointless (and my vote … and yours.. is pointless) end.
This election will be great. Even if McCain wins, I’ll be fine with it. He’s just conservative. That’s fine. Conservative need not equal crazy, religious, evil, retarded, legacy, ivy league, hateful, vile, worthless, greedy, pedophiliac, strap-on pegging addict. All those adjectives are Bush related. Not even the Republicans want to look like that at the moment.
Anyway. For some reason I have a video of Chris Rock introducing Barack Obama. I found this video, indirectly through Television Sux, a blog written by a man I admire.
Guess what, youdopians? I was watch the McLaughlin Group last night, and they opened with the fighting in Georgia. Holy Shit. I had no idea. I’m online all day, everyday, and I always keep up with the news via Drudge and the BBC. Yes, I know Drudge is biased, but conservative and gay is a unique viewpoint. It’s distinct, like a labradoodle, and it’s updated frequently, so I check it out. No one said peep about the war between Russia and Georgia. We had troops in Georgia a month ago… so it may be relevant, even in conjunction with the global field day in Beijing. In short, holy shit. Shouldn’t this be page one? On a personal note, it’s oddly familiar, feeling threatened by Russia again. It’s been awhile. They said they won’t hit me no more, and he ain’t drinkin’ near as much. I love him. We’ll make it work
In the words of Theodoric of York, ” I, for one, am baffled.”(This just in. I have the quote right, but the skit wrong. Here is the transcript to the skit I was thinking of) I only have a couple dozen hits a day on Youdopia, so it’s not like I feel like I have to even wear pants when I’m around…. but… the search terms that people use to get to Youdopia are pretty … unique. Take a gander. What horrible fetish-laden search string brought you here, dear reader? For shame!
| lungfish | 2 |
| enema porn | 2 |
| pissboys | 2 |
| harvey korman | 1 |
| funny shit ever | 1 |
| beat yourselves with rusty chains | 1 |
There are things that shouldn’t happen to people. There are things that shouldn’t happen to anyone and when those things happen to me… I am not pleased. Even the jungle wants me dead. Where’s my Willard?
Youdopian culture embraces its Thracian heritage. Cool beans.
I am busy as fuck. My wife and I have started a PR firm, and it’s going through the roof. It’s crazy how successful we are becoming. We started a blog three days ago, a digest of all the best bloggers in a certain genre… and it’s amazingly successful. It’s been live for three days,and we had over three thousand hits today.
My lovely wife is going to be on the radio tomorrow. She’s going to be an expert on a panel discussion, and it’s on a Spanish language station, so… super cool points for my sweetheart. My end of our business is doing well. I’m writing about ten blogs a day, along with press releases, correspondence, an online tutorial on monetizing your blog (I’m teaching it), and… shit… marketing, marketing, marketing.
It’s got nothing to do with you, if one can grasp it.
More idols than realities. I’m ok. You’re so so.
The downside of this fantastic upheaval of fortune is this. We both get as much sleep as new parents. I’m punchy all the time, and I write like a goddamn stroke victim. Four and five hours of sleep a night for weeks is a killer. Thank god for fatty foods, sweets, weed, and Diet Pepsi. I’m going to live forever. However, we have made a SPLASH. We raised thousands of dollars through a pledge drive for a photographer to be able to have a showing at a museum. A real photographer in a real museum. It was a big deal and we pulled it off in twenty four hours. It was nuts. We’re really good at this. There just aren’t enough hours in the day, and we’re not making enough money for both of us to stay home, which is a super bummer.
So I’m looking for a full time job for supplemental income, but mostly for the benefits. One can’t be without health insurance in America. So… it seems like following your bliss may work. The universe has certainly been good to us in this arena. We meet people, network, connect… it’s crazy. It’s crazy because this isn’t a thought out business model. We just did it because.
And now I must go because the baby has peed through her diaper and soaked the bed. Ah, life.
“There’s an end of my cigar. The girls will wonder where we are.” – Konx Om Pax, motherfuckers.
Later. Life’s nuts, but good. I’m fucking tired.
I kid you not, you can judge a man by his search terms. Women, it’s tits. But men… it’s search terms. By that rubric I am King Fucking King With A Great Big Dong. These are the terms that people actually typed into a search engine, only to be told, “One charming motherfucking pig? That’s this guy. That’s how the Terminator computer that will kill us all thinks of me. Please do note:
| one charming motherfucking pig | 2 |
| “george carlin” quotations | 1 |
| tom waits wooden leg | 1 |
| the craziest shit on the internet | 1 |
| “of flowers” “please beat yourselves in | 1 |
| lolcats | 1 |
| lolcats admin | 1 |
| pissboys | 1 |
| adam kadmon | 1 |
